Book Review - Don't Make Me Count to Three, by Ginger Hubbard

Cornel Warren

Main Point of the book

1. It’s all about following parenting styles that are laid out in the Bible.
2. You’ve all heard the saying spare the rod, spoil the child. That is actually in the bible in Proverbs 13:24, it’s more than just common sense or a cliché.
3. Well the way it is laid out in the Bible, according to Hubbard, is that the rod and reproof are supposed to go hand in hand. In fact, the rod, which she uses as the term for spanking, should never be used without reproof.

Why it matters

1. Proper parenting allows you to have 18 happy years rather than 18 years of frustration with your children
   1. The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to his own devices disgraces his mother.
2. Well-parented children become well adjusted members of society.
3. Disobedient children become law-breaking adults.
   1. People have to learn to respect authority or they enter into a negative cycle of self-denigration

The Goal
Teaching your children to exhibit traits of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control, and wisdom. This list is just a summary, but it hits the high points.
Teach the positive, don’t just chastise the negative. When we chastise our children for wrong behavior without explaining to them what the right behavior is to do instead, it exasperates them because they are not creative or mature enough to know what perfect behavior looks like. They cannot escape because they genuinely don’t know what a better way to act would be.
When we are faced with disobedience or any other form of misbehavior, we must instruct our kids to exhibit the positive trait, not just stop doing the negative.
In training your children, you have to require them to identify the behavior that was incorrect, ask for forgiveness and then they have to practice doing the correct behavior. It takes a little extra time to recreate the scenario, but it is worth it to give your child the chance to succeed in proper behavior.

What not to do

1. Don’t ever bribe your child: this teaches kids to be selfish. "I will only honor others when I get something out of it."
2. Don’t threaten your children, especially if your threat is so grandiose that you would never follow through with it. That teaches them you do not keep your word. Let your yes be yes, and your no be no. If you give in after you’ve said no, that teaches them that there is a chance you’ll cave in the future. You are teaching them to be persistent in disobedience or back talk until they get their way.
3. Avoid appealing to emotions: How many times have you heard “I was in labor for 30 hours, and this is how you repay me?” Hubbard says that this teaches kids to obey for the wrong reasons, trying to repay a debt rather than honoring their parent for the right reasons. In my opinion it can also be exasperating to a child when they feel like they can’t ever get away from their past. It also puts a very negative spin on the child coming into your family, which can make them feel unloved.
4. Don’t reason with your child, especially not small children. They are not yet ready to handle the responsibility of decision-making, and it places them on the same level as you, rather than establishing you as the authority.
5. Don’t administer discipline out of anger. That will teach your child that lack of self-control is ok for mommy or daddy, so it must be ok for the kids too. Your actions set the example for what your kids may or may not do.

What should obedience look like? 

1. All the way
2. Right away
3. With a joyful heart

When is it appropriate to discipline your child?

1. Don’t discipline for natural immaturity. Patiently instruct until you see your child can achieve the desired behavior. Once they are able to do it, they can be required to do it consistently.
   1. Kids want to have fun. Just because you’ve had a long day, doesn’t mean they need to act like a little robot. They have lots of energy and excitement to see you. Don’t squelch it for your own selfish convenience.
2. Don’t discipline children for accidents, unless the accident was the direct result of disobedience.
3. Get the facts about what really happened. It shows your child you respect them if you take the time to give them an opportunity to explain the situation to you.
4. Give yourself a timeout if you need it. Don’t go into the rod/reproof time with your temper raging. That will never lead to righteousness. Take your time to cool down before talking through the right behavior with your child. That will make it much easier to leave the incident on a positive note.

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